Frustration with the team

This week for me had been particularly extremely difficult considering it’s the last week of the deadline, and also the crunch time for the rest of the group. This week I found that my retopology wrong, this meant that I had to go back and clean the retopology, In my process I would send screenshot to the rest of the team but Callum kept giving me small critiques and as a HSP (highly sensitive person) I struggle with dealing with a high level of stress situations, so whenever Callum gave me any slight critiques my frustration I would get really angry. As environmental artist I’m in charge of creating environments for the game, this includes creating trees and in a previous blog I discussed that I found retopologising the branches very difficult and I just couldn’t do it because it was just too difficult, So I screenshot it anyway and progress further and Callum said no you need to have branches this mean that I would have to make another tree again, because the tree was just a stump and it wouldn’t look as good, therefore I would have to start again therefore all the work that I have done in the last couple of days have been for nothing. Although I feel angry with what’s been happening, I know its very unfair to be angry at callum and the rest of the team because in reality there just trying help me get the problem fixed, and both raf and callum have been given me really great advice regarding retopology. I think the reason why I feel angry is because it seems like what ever problem I fix there’s another problem that I have to fix, and it’s just putting more and more stress on me to get the work done. I have been diagnosed with autism with the last 12 years, and one of the symptoms of having autism is having really intense emotions, So if I feel motivated and driven nothing can really stop me, but if I feel very angry or scared I will feel that emotion ten fold, this means when I am in stressful situations I tend to act and feel on things that are quite irrational. I think I’m just projecting my insecurities onto them, I put a lot of emotions into my work and whenever I don’t succeed in a goal I don’t feel emotionally fulfilled my feel worthless, so whenever Callum was slightly critiquing me I felt like I was worthless , now again let this abundantly clear that callum is a great guy and a great 3D modeller and at the end of the day he was just trying to help me but because of the emotional state that I was in I felt so frustrated.